


Your Heart's a Mess

by softboyshiro



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Mentions of Death, One Shot, Sad Mark Lee (NCT), Sad with a kinda happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 11:05:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16659922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softboyshiro/pseuds/softboyshiro
Summary: "I will always be your Mark Lee.And you, Lee Donghyuck, will always be the love of my life"





	Your Heart's a Mess

**Author's Note:**

> There are a lot of mentions of death in this fic so if that is something that makes you uncomfortable pls do not read this.
> 
> This fic hasn't been edited but i hope you enjoy it anyways <3 
> 
> shout at me on [twitterrrrrr](https://twitter.com/bitemark0208?s=09)

Your heart’s a mess

Donghyuck read the words repeatedly, his sobs becoming louder and louder with every passing second. He gripped the letter in his hands and brought it to his chest, wishing more than anything that this was all a bad dream. That Mark wasn’t really gone. 

Things had been fine last month. Donghyuck had bought Mark an abundance of presents for their two-year anniversary and Mark had taken him to this fancy restaurant where they fed each other expensive food and maybe drank a little too much wine. Donghyuck was happy then and he thought Mark was too, so trying to piece together where everything went wrong was even more painful than reading Mark’s goodbye letter. 

He doesn’t even know where Mark went or if he was coming back for his belongings. Donghyuck eyed the grey jumper thrown over the back of the couch, the one Mark wore on their first date, and choked back a sob. Mark had looked so cute that night, the sleeves of the jumper covering his hands as he stood under the amusement park sign, his cheeks slightly red from the cold as he held out cotton candy for Donghyuck. Donghyuck had decided then and there that he wanted this boy to be his forever. 

“Fuck, I need to get out of here.” Donghyuck shoved the letter into his hoodie pocket and grabbed his phone and keys before hurrying out of the apartment, his hands coming up to dab at his eyes to stop anymore tears from spilling out. 

But halfway down the street, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and suddenly, he’s crying again as Mark’s name is lit up on his screen, the cute picture Donghyuck had taken of him for his contact photo just making him cry harder. With shaking fingers, he clicked the answer button and brought the device up to his ear. Not bothering to say hello, Donghyuck choked out a quiet “Fuck you.”

It was silent for a while, the only sound being Donghyuck’s muffled sobs as he held a hand over his mouth to stop himself from crying out and the sound of the cars whizzing past him.

Donghyuck was about to hang up, sick of waiting for Mark to reply, before there was a sigh from Mark’s end. “Donghyuck…” But it wasn’t Mark’s voice saying his name, no, it was a woman’s voice. “Donghyuck, honey, it’s Mark’s mother.” Her voice cracked slightly, and it sounded like she had been crying as well. 

And at the abrupt sound of Mark’s mother crying over the phone, every single bad thing that could have happened to Mark flooded his mind and Donghyuck felt his chest tighten and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. It was like someone was sitting on top of him and the pressure had caused him to fall to his knees in the middle of the street, people who were walking by gave him odd looks but never offered to help. “Mrs Lee, w-where’s Mark?!” He sobbed, which seemed to only make the woman cry harder.

“He’s d-dead.” She whispered, and that’s all it took for Donghyuck to completely fall apart, all the shattered pieces of his heart falling onto the cracked pavement beneath him as he cried.

*~*

2 weeks. It took Donghyuck 2 weeks of crying and sleeping with Mark’s grey jumper before he agreed to meet with Mrs Lee to talk about Mark’s death. Donghyuck didn’t want to know the details when Mrs Lee had first called him to break the news of Mark’s death, he had been too distraught to even think about it, but now he needed to know. 2 weeks of sitting in the dark and listening to the playlist Mark had made him for his birthday made him realise that he can’t go his entire life not knowing how his dearly beloved departed. 

In those 2 weeks, his friends had tried to visit him, tried to get him out of his apartment but were only met with the sound of Donghyuck crying and telling them to go away. He knew they were only trying to help him, but the overbearing emptiness in his chest couldn’t be fixed that easily. That’s why he sat across from his boyfriend’s mother, in his childhood home, surrounded by pictures of the one person that could fill the gaping hole inside of him. 

Donghyuck gripped the cup of tea in his hands, the heat from the cup warming his cold hands instantly. “You look awful, dear.” Mrs Lee’s voice was quiet and her smile was small, but just by looking into her eyes, Donghyuck could tell she was hurting twice as much and was keeping herself together for his sake. 

“You don’t look much better, Mrs Lee.” He replied with a sad smile, his hand reaching over to grip the fragile woman’s own shaking hands. “I’m-I’m really sorry for your loss.” It hurt him to say it because to say it would mean that it’s true, and Donghyuck was still slightly in denial. He had spent the first two days after hearing the news wearing Mark’s clothes and watching his favourite movies and doing just about anything to keep Mark near him. He slept on Mark’s side of the bed and listened to all the songs he had been working on, the unfinished beat of each song covering up the sounds of his broken sobs.

Mrs Lee didn’t reply. She gripped Donghyuck’s hand tighter and stood up from her chair and disappeared somewhere before coming back with a small box. “He, uhm, called me before he did it- take his life.” She started quietly, her eyes trained on the box in her shaking hands. Donghyuck thought he was ready, thought he could sit there and listen to what had happened without crying, but the more Mrs Lee spoke, the harder he cried into the sleeve of his jumper. His sobs shook his whole body and left him gasping for air and it hurt. It hurt so bad to hear the details of how Mark, his Mark, had died. 

After a while, Mrs Lee had stopped talking but Donghyuck was still crying and he doesn’t remember how he got there, but at some point, Mrs Lee had gently guided him into her arms and that’s how they stayed for a while. Donghyuck crying into her chest as she rubbed his back soothingly, her own tears falling silently down her wrinkling cheeks.  
“I didn’t mention it earlier, but h-he left you something.” She whispered into the crown of his head. Donghyuck sniffed and slowly sat up, his eyes moving to the box Mrs Lee had left to grab earlier. “You didn’t think he would leave without saying goodbye, did you?” She carefully placed the box into Donghyuck’s hands before planting a gentle kiss to his forehead and leaving the room. 

For their one-year anniversary, Mark had spent all his savings to get them matching jewellery; a bracelet with a small sun pendent for Donghyuck and a necklace with a small guitar pendent for Mark. It was one of Donghyuck’s fondest memories of Mark, watching as he gleefully clipped the bracelet around Donghyuck’s wrist, his eyes full of love and happiness. 

“Dammit, Mark.” He whispered as he opened the box to see Mark’s necklace sitting there on top of another letter. “You promised you would never take it off.” Donghyuck murmured as he picked up the necklace, his fingers playing with the silver guitar pendent. He loved how the pendent would sit between Mark’s collarbones and glint in the morning sun as they were both waking up, Donghyuck’s head on Mark’s chest and Mark’s fingers drawing small circles into his hips. Waking up in Mark’s arms was his favourite way to start the day. 

A pained laugh slipped past his lips as Donghyuck put the necklace on, the cold silver around his neck a new reminder of Mark’s absence. Donghyuck exhaled shakily as he reached into the box once again and pulled out the neatly folded letter. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to read another one of Mark’s letters, the one he had gotten the morning of his death had sounded like a breakup but now he knows that it was a good-bye letter.  
Donghyuck shakily unfolded the letter and regardless of how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop the silent tears that fell as he read the letter over and over again.

To my dearest Hyuckie,

Thank you. Thank you for being the light of my life. The two years we were together felt like an entire lifetime to me and I could go on forever about how thankful I am for you and your love. 

I love you, baby, so, so much. 

I want you to be happy. I want you to smile and live your life. I am not saying that you completely forget about me, no, but I am saying that you find someone else to make you as happy as you made me. 

I will watch over you and make sure the sun always shines on your gorgeous golden skin if you promise me to not be sad for too long, ok?  
I will always be your Mark Lee. 

And you, Lee Donghyuck, will always be the love of my life. 

Love from Mark <3

~*~

2 years had gone by and Donghyuck was thriving. He had renovated his stingy one-bedroom apartment with the help of his friends, the bedroom painted just how Mark had dreamed one night at 2am after they had spent the night watching Netflix. The stained couch that Mark insisted was comfortable was finally gone and replaced with, according to Jeno, ‘a couch sent from the gods of comfort’.

Donghyuck had also bought a cat two months after Mark’s death, the lion-ish looking cat loved to rub up against the framed picture of Mark he kept on his desk and preferred to sleep on Mark’s side of the bed. It was nice to have company in his quiet apartment and on the nights where he felt the hole in his chest throbbing, the feline would curl up with him and make things easier. 

“Come on, Hyuck! I am starvinggggg.” Renjun called from the hallway outside Donghyuck’s apartment. They were all going out for dinner to celebrate Jeno finally confessing to Jaemin after pining over him for two years. It was something worth celebration. Donghyuck petted the small cat on the head one last time before closing the apartment door and heading off to dinner with his friends. 

 

Sure, he wishes Mark was still here with him to hold his hand as they walked or to press kisses to his temple as they woke up in the mornings, but he knows he’s happy wherever he is and Donghyuck knows that Mark, his beautiful, charming Mark, is watching over him and that’s enough for Donghyuck.

The End.


End file.
